This Little Light Of Mine

Addena’s SubStack Newsletter

Welcome. 🎉🎉. Thanks again for joining me. I’m happy you hung in.

I honestly didn’t know if I could write a Newsletter this month. Speaking of months, Wow, did this month fly by or what!

November was a strange month in so many ways, and for so many reasons. Starting with it was a grey month with lots of really cool, damp, and cloudy days.

The days are getting shorter starting in the late Fall, so it gets dark here so early,

add that to the grey days, and you have a recipe for melancholy.

I tried to write.. anything… and I got nada.

For distraction and in an attempt to cheer myself up, I try to watch mindless TV.

I find I can’t watch the News for longer than 10 minutes at a time. It makes makes me actually feel hopeless, and depressed. When I watch the news, after a few minutes I find myself starting to cry. So, it’s time to switch to listening to music, good ol’ Soul and Rock n Roll, and Reggae tunes to help me get in the mood for our holidays. A few months in Jamaica.. Yes! 🇯🇲🇯🇲♥️. That will cure most anything.

On a positive note, in the past few days I’ve been hearing people ask, “Have you got the Christmas spirit yet?”

The Christmas spirit? .. I guess that means different things to different people. For some, it means the endorphins you get shooting through your body as you’re anticipating upcoming holiday festivals, like Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanza, and Lunar New Year. For some people, it means the lighthearted feelings you get from going out shopping and buying gifts for your favourite people. For others, it comes from shopping and stocking up on traditional festive foods and special treats for the holidays, and getting ready to see and visit with friends and family.

The part I like best about the upcoming holidays is how people start being extra friendly, saying “hi” and smiling as they pass by you, or asking: Are you ready for Christmas? Or saying, Happy holidays! These gestures of friendliness and love are so welcome after the recent rash of hate that has been spreading around the world like a virus. The individuals and groups that are spreading this hate have been emboldened by the lack of political and social will to stop and quash their intentional efforts to spread hate. There are benefits to this spreading of hate. It particularly helps the politicians whose goal it is to instill “the fear of others” in people and promote conflict and division between peoples’ and between communities.

I say,”there is, A Campaign of Hate and Fear Mongering raging”. This campaign is evidenced by:

Attacks on Women, and Women’s Rights and Freedoms,

Hate slogans circulating by Men. Slogans like: “Your body, my choice…forever!”

And misogynistic slogans like: “Back to the kitchen”.

We are also witnessing rampant attacks on the LGBTQ+ and the Trans Community,

and at the same time we are seeing Anti- Immigrant campaigns and initiatives escalating…everywhere!

We all have to stand up and draw a line in the sand that we refuse to let anyone cross.

It doesn’t do us any good to put a heads in the sand and deny what’s going on or say:

“I can’t stand to watch it anymore, I don’t wanna hear anymore.”

We owe it to all the people who came before us that fought for our Rights and Freedoms to listen to what’s going on, to turn our eyes to it, and to Stand Up and Speak Out, and take some action… whatever action you can personally do to fight against it.

It’s time to draw on your historical, generational, and genetical courage!

I swear I hear my Ancestors speak to me in my dreams.. saying: Please don’t let them turn the clocks back. We’ve come so far at such great cost. Please don’t fail us now!

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I said in the last newsletter, I said that that November I would include some Christmas poems and/ or stories and some family content, so … let’s start with the family content.

Here is a Christmas story told to me by my Sister, June Estelle.

June was just about 20 years older than me. She was a few years younger than my oldest brother in her story and I, of course, wasn’t born yet. I asked her permission to write her story and include it in my second book, “Back In The Days” if I’d titled the story using her, and my brothers second names, and entitle it: “Estelle’s” Christmas. She said “yes”.

ESTELLE’S CHRISTMAS

Momma cooked the most wonderful dinner for Christmas. We could smell it cookin all afternoon.

Us younger kids, Robert, and Lever (my brothers) and I got up E-a-r-l-y on Christmas morning. Our older brother Dudley was in his room still sleeping. We kids tiptoed downstairs into the living room and stared at the presents under the tree, just dyin’ to open them, but we knew better. We went back up to the bedroom we three all shared, put on our housecoats over our pyjamas, then went and washed and brushed our teeth. I re-did my braids and combed both of the boy’s hair. Levers was easy, it was loose and curly, but Robert’s was super nappy, way worse than mine, and he ducked away and “ow’d” and I had to pull him to stand up while I finished his hair so it looked neat and proper. Then we got dressed and went downstairs and sat and waited for Mom to wake up.

She was out late, late, late! last night, at the Bootleggin’ Joint, so that meant she’d sleep in late.

We were so excited, we could hardly keep still, but we kept our voices quiet so she could sleep. After she was up and washed and dressed, we could open our presentsand she’d start cookin’.

M-mmm, Mmmmph !

The smell was straight from heaven. There was candied sweet potatoes, potato salad, black-eyed peas and rice, and ham. Those were all down-south Christmas soul foods, cause my dad was from the South. Columbia, South Carolina. So every Christmas we always had what he called “Soul Food”, as well as my mom’s traditional Nova-Scotian (that’s where Mom’s family is from) turkey, dressing, and all the fixins.

It’s funny that we had Soul Food this Christmas. Dad wouldn’t be here, but I guess she cooked it out of tradition.

I sure wish Dad was home, but he was away on a ‘run’. He was a porter on the Canadian Pacific Railway, “the CPR”, and all the porters would be away for Christmas, and New Year’s most too most times.

Most times, they were just away, period. They would do one run, and on the way home the railroad bosses would tell them they had to go to another town instead of home, (and they couldn’t refuse). Dead-heading they called it. I usta’ think they called it that because by the time they got home (and sometimes it would be a month) they would be almost dead. Dead-tired anyway.

My big brother Dudley was home from “Princess Patrica’s Company Light Infantry Reserves” for Christmas. He was asleep ‘cause he was out partyin’ and dancin’ last night too.

Wow! It was a great Christmas, we got neat-o presents, we got toys, and we got some LP’s of Louis Armstrong, and Ella Fitzgerald from the states.

Supper was fantastic. There were dozens and dozens of plates of food, and Christmas cake. The table and the side buffet were covered with goodies, and us kids ate so much supper we had big hard bellies. Afterwards we couldn’t move! We just lay down on the living room floor after supper and listened to the records.

Get off your asses and clean up them dishes, my mom said, after we’d laid there for a while. And clean up all that paper and ribbons layin around the room.

But

But

… Never mind but. Get the hell off your butts, and clean this mess up before I go out!

You’re going OUT!

Tonight?

It’s Christmas.

I thought you would stay home for Christmas!

I was crying. I didn’t want to cry, but the tears just kept coming down on their own.

Lever tried to help me clear the dishes and stack them, but we told Robert not to touch the dishes, he was too young to be real careful, and if he dropped one, (and it was our good set) Mom would go crazy on us. We told Robert to gather up the wrapping paper and stuff, and he could put away the silverware as Lever was wiping them.

So there we all were snuffin’ and cryin’ and washin’ and wipin’ when Eleanor Walker, my best friend from across the lane came in. Don’t cry Estelle, she kept saying, Don’tcry, … I’ll help you. We can finish it all up in no time.

Well that wasn’t true, it took us two hours, and four changes of water and soap, (‘cause mom would go bezerk if there was any dirt or grease on the dishes or silverware) Iwalked Eleanor across the back-lane, and when I got back to the house, mom was all ‘dolled up’ and in the living room getting her fur coat on. She looked “sharp”. She always did.

Dudley came bounding down the stairs, throwing his winter car-coat on over his outfit. I didn’t know Dudley was going too!

Don’t go out tonight mom, okay? Don’t go. I pleaded with her but the boys just stood there with their eyes real wide. What are we going to do mom? We’ve got nothing to do!

Plug in the Christmas tree and look at the lights, she said. And she shuffled Dudley out the door in front of her.

As soon as she shut the door Lever and Robert started cryin’. I mean really cryin’.

Don’t cry you guys. Come on. Let’s plug in the Christmas tree and look at the lights.

It’ll be fun!

I had to crawl around and under the tree to plug in the lights. Icicles fell on me,

and Angel-Hair stuck to my face and hands, but I reached the extension cord and plugged in the tree.

It was beautiful, it almost reached the ceiling and a beautiful brown angel was attached to star on the top branch. The whole thing was covered in lights, and balls, and the Angel hair made a spun web that surrounded it.

We sat on the sofa, and I put my arms around them and we stared at the lights

And then

Boom!

Blackness

Everything was pitch black.

The boys started crying again. I felt my way around the room and tried the light switches, but the tree had blown the fuses, and the whole house was winter night BLACK.

Mom! I thought.

I ran outside to try to catch her. I only had my slippers on, and as I ran and slipped along the sidewalk the snow plunged into my slippers and up my legs. I was freezing cold, and puffing like crazy from running, but when I hit the corner (on Cathedral) Mom and Dudley were still standing there waiting for the McGregor street car.

Mom, Mom, you have to come home! I shouted across to her.

Girl, get your ass back home girl ! Are you crazy?

No, Mom. I plugged in the tree and all the lights blew out. And we’re in the dark!

Then go to bed and shut your eyes and you’ll be in the dark then too

she yelled, and the street-car pulled up and they boarded it.

I ran back home because I knew the boys would be terrified to be all alone.

I took off my wet slippers and stockings and stuff, and I told them mom said we should go to bed and shut our eyes. We could all cuddle together in bed I told them. Maybe we could sing.

I held them and sang to them, they were sobbing so hard they did that

h-h-h-h- hah, h-h-h-huh, thing with their breath, and then finally

they were silent.

Then I cried, and cried, and cried.

I sure wish my Dad was here. Especially today .. I wished he was.

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That was a story from my Family from Back In The Days. These days, when I refer to my family, I refer to family, that is not necessarily the family I inherited by birth or blood, but rather to the people I like, or love, that I choose to be “My Family”.

These photos are some of the people that have become family. And they are the family I like to spend Christmas, and Kwanza, and other special holiday occasions with whenever it is possible ♥️

💖💖💖💖💖🎶🎶🎶🎶🍾🍾🥂🥂. Love my Family . Hope you’ve made Family.

That you Love and who LovesYou right back!

See you in December from 🇯🇲🇯🇲🌴 One Love ♥️

😁